Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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