I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
