You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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