Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
