happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize