hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
