i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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