she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
