WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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