I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
