when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
