She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
