I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
