Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't turn off my feet"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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