i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
