so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
