i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
