Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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