I got chris browned last night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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