He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
