his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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