He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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