Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
