i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize