so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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