Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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