I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
