you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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