you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
