my vag is so smooth its legendary
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
