I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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