I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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