Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
