Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
