You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
