She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
