I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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