I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
