The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
