Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
