and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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