She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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