he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
