We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
