My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Still dying that you shit outside
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
