He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
