I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
