they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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