I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
