listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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