I can tuck mytits in my pants
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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