Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
