I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
