Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
