Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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