and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
