Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize