margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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