"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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