It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize