Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
