there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You made out with two different species that night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
