dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
