My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
