You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
