the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
