Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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