I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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