Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
