what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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