I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize