He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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