I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
