Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Actions speak louder than pants.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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